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says Ale Ele
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A Letter to My Father in Heaven
Friday, July 4, 2008
Friday, July 4, 2008

School holidays have started... lifes still as boring as ever...
i stood in the land of the forgotten, desperately looking for a way out
this isnt my place, it will never be.
i had high hopes of coming here, hoping things will be better, maybe i should have ran off to stay at fish's house that day, u guys may say that i am selfish, but i am really regretting now...

Memories are leaving me somewhere in this space...
i dont know how far i am away from who i am,
i dont know how far i am away from who i am suppose to be...

my life now has became no difference from a nomad...
roaming from a place to another without knowing wads next and wad to do next
who knows, the next thing i know, i may be lying on the road, half dead
or i may be drinking coffee...

if this is what u said to have been the best of me, can you at least show me something to be happy about? the only this i do here is go online for a short period of time, go to school, go home, sleep. Hey, this is, in many ways, good. but im not born in this place. You have planned for me to be birth in the place where i am comfortable in, but u then send me to a unknown place. You have finally found me stuck in a delusion aand brought me home after 13 years, now you send me to a place where i cant go into ur sanctuary anymore. When i sat there at the place of forced idolising that day, i drop of tear fell from my reluctant eyes. I thought, why? why must i be the one who does this? why must it be me? doubts starts to come into my mind, saying that, is this really the best for me? is this really what i am suppose to do? i am not saying im not trusting you... but now being stuck in a place where idolising is a force, is this what you want? where i am forced to worship other gods, not you? To say as a matter of fact, i loved worshipping you more and more each time i did it, but why does this have to happend?...

Will you help me dear father? my life in school has only gotten better by a bit, the only thing i do in school can no longer be done, the instrument for my inspiration has ran out, neither hav i had hopes in doing it anymore, i wont get compliment, i wont get famous, i wont get anywhere, i will only get scolded for being act-smart, act-emo, act-cool or ignored. You bore me with these hands to draw, but also these pieces to be jeered at, these hands to play, but these results to be lousy... what are you doing in my life lord? i really cannot keep it in anymore, if i dont say it out, who will? i know you dont have to read this to know how i feel and what im thinking, but nothing has changed, nothing...

~Your servant, no matter what...
ele

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